It had been a late day at work.
Another programmer invited me for scotch and basketball at the bar across the street. It seemed like a good idea at the time…
When I got there, I ordered some Macallan 12 year-old scotch. The Good Stuff.
Well, normally when one orders scotch, especially the Good Stuff, one expects two fingers. Maybe three on a lucky day. This bartender? She gave me a fist-full. I mean, I had less gratuitous pours of milk as a child.
And being the dedicated epicurean ass I am, I drank it. There was a wager that I would not be able to finish. Ah Ha! Showed them.
At the point where I was finished, I think I may have been too drunk to say, ride the bus. So I opted to stay at work and get stuff done (and maybe release some code, you know). And I ran into my director, which must have made for an interesting conversation:
Yesshhh. I stinks we sshhould be building. Rockets. Today. But you’re a good bossh. Truley. Best bossh I’ve had in Days.
What fun.
Not that anyone cares, but I’ve had three dental cleanings in the past three days, with one more “sometime soon”.
The deal is that I went to a dentist to finish up some stuff I started back in fourth grade, and while I’m at it get things looking pretty. So they did a “normal cleaning,” and told me it wasn’t quite good enough; they had to do a “Deep Cleaning”. They said this in an ominous voice, and the clouds shifted and the vultures started crying.
Each session is 1 hour, and covers 1/4 of the mouth. They use machine guns and jack-hammers to do the tricky stuff, so out comes the novocane*. The first Deep Cleaning session I had was actually two sessions, so about two hours.
So, needless to say, I feel like I’ve been gnawing on concrete all afternoon. 3/4 of my teesh are sparkling, though.
* Or whatever it is that they use these days.
So I was just outside my apartment, when I heard a squeal of brakes, a swerve, and then the crashing sound of someone running over a parking sign. I look over horrified, and see a car on the curb with lots of smoke and whatnot.
Now, most normal, sane, and rational people would get out of their car at this point. They would wander around, see if there was any damage, move the sign, stagger off to a liquor store, etc. Not this one. He rocked his car back and forth a bit, got it back on the road, and sped off.
So I took his plate number (707-SZM, if you’re curious) and quietly went up to my apartment to call the police. I figured that since the “crime” had already happened, I could get away with calling the non-emergency number instead of the heavy-hammer-like 911. (I still haven’t called 911 in Seattle, so I’m trying to keep my record clean).
So I called it.
This is the Seattle Police Department… If you have an emergency, or if you need medical assistance, hang up and dial 911…
Please listen carefully to the following options …
If you are police or law enforcement and are calling regarding an alarm, press 1.
If you need something that we don’t really understand, feel free to press 2.
For all other options, press 3 or stay on the line
I pressed “3″.
Please listen carefully to the following 9 options.
If you are calling about the whereabouts of a recovered stolen car, press 1
If you would like to report on a car that was impounded, press 2
If you think you may know about a car that will be impounded, press 3
If you are calling to report an Alien Invasion, please press 4
If you are calling to report an Alien Invasion, please press 5
Instead of listening to the other options, why don’t you press 6?
If you would like to report an emergency in Seattle from outside the city limits, or you are calling to report some other odd-ball situation that would be better handled by e911 with trained workers, please press 7.
If you would like to report a non-emergency crime in progress, or report on a crime in progress, or report the evidence of a crime that will require an officer’s presence, or would like to do something else that really doesn’t make a lot of sense but will take us bloody forever to describe on this automated menu thingy, please press 8
So I pressed 8, and got an operator.
Dude, people. What the hell? Put “Non Emergency Crime in Progress” as #1 on the menu. Or better yet, get rid of the menu. Denver doesn’t need one, why do you? And why on earth would I call a non-emergency number to report an emergency in another city?
Grr.
Anyway, I have an accident that I should go clean up before rush-hour.