There’s this company across the street. I don’t know exactly what they do, but close observation reveals that they have:
- Armored Trucks
- Shotguns
- A loud speaker
- Gas pumps
One would think that is a “normal” combination for a business that specializes in something like delivering money or selling candy to children. And, normally, I don’t notice them, and they don’t notice me. (Well, occasionally I will forget to shut me blinds, but them’s the breaks, eh?)
But sometimes, at night, I get a sense that shotguns and loudspeakers are items that should only be put in the hands of saner, older people. Like the Rolling Stones.
A few nights ago, I was awakened by the sounds of heavy breathing and a female moaning, and some weird laughing. And when I peeked outside my window I saw the kid with the shotgun in hysterics as the truck entered the garage*. Then there was the time that I heard “doi-doo-doo-DOO-doo …. DOO DOO”. Horribly out of tune.
I was tempted at that point to call the police (something I haven’t done in Seattle) and report “strange sounds, and people wandering around with guns.” And then, when the SWAT team leaves after the stand-off, I would apologize: “Aww, Shucks. I didn’t know they were supposed to have guns!”
But anyway.
*My guess is that they load and unload the loot inside the building. Whenever a truck enters or leaves, someone is always outside with a shotgun, and they stay just inside the door until the door has finished closing. Not that I’m paying attention or anything…
On the fourth, I went with some people to see fireworks. I’m still figuring this city out, and these are my notes from the experience:
- My assertion that no one in Seattle has actually lived in Seattle was “slightly” confirmed. We all went to Volunteer Park. People were there, facing West. So we sat and faced West, and saw some stuff “barely over the trees”. Then all of a sudden there was booming to the North, and Us and Everyone flocked to see the things in the North. No one there had seen fireworks from there before. Which I find kind of strange…
- It was the first time in my life that I was actually cold watching them. I really wanted a jacket.
And tonight a crazy lady (well, she was actually pretty normal) walking by was talking about all the crazy people that lived in Seattle. Go figure…
I’m not sure any more.
The Robin Williams thing about Bill Gates comes to mind (for some reason):
Bill: Monopoly’s just a board game senator, I’m out to take over the world! (Did I just say that out loud?)”
Let’s start with some crappy poetry…
Wires, need
to be cut
Pliers!
I won’t talk about that any more. But it does bring up an interesting thought: I have no idea what a “plier” is, but I gotta say that whoever discovered that nailing two of them together would cut wire is an f’ing genius.
Now, speaking of genius, I don’t know if you are aware if High IQ societies Like this one, but it seems like an interesting idea; the elitist at heart can exclude anyone they want. So my idea is start the “Dumbass Society”, where the only critera is you must fail the Logima Strictica 36.
There, I think I saved you $10.
People need to stop asking me for directions. That’s it. Just stop, because I have no idea. And if I do have an idea, I’ll utter, “You can’t miss it” and you will be doomed to wander around forever looking for something.
It would also be nice if people were to not ask me for “spare change” (I don’t have any!) or smokes (They’re expensive!). But I’ll settle with you not asking me where things are in a city I don’t know.
Which reminds me, can I borrow $0.50?